I hate having to do this again but it's reached the point where I need to do it for my mental health. Some wonderful things have happened so far this semester, the most important of which was finally obtaining my private pilot's license. It was a wonderful feeling that lasted for all of about one day because the next day I was waist deep in Commercial flight work. That's the life of pilot training, there's always something new to do with no time to waste! I also got the chance to network with many pilots throughout the region, and I'm extremely excited that I was offered to tour Cummins' flight operations facility later this week. For those of you that don't know, flying corporate is something that normally requires 20-30 years in the airlines before they will even consider you. Being impressive to a company such as Cummins right now is absolutely a win for me. With the pilot shortage, there is a very real possibility that I could spend my life flying corporate, which would be a very awesome opportunity.
However, things haven't been all blue skies and smooth air (literally, it's been pretty crappy weather this semester). When I last blogged, I was letting out my frustration with the relationship I had been in at the time. I was struggling, and I needed to let my thoughts be known. It is that time again. When I returned for winter break, that relationship was rekindled. It felt so wonderful to be back with the woman I loved, and it was a great time. However, it ended as suddenly as it returned. Unfortunately, this one was not on as good of terms as the last one. It was absolutely heartbreaking because the last time I talked to her in person was about 30 minutes before we began to separate. Yeah, it was one of those. It hurt me bad to be told that I didn't really love someone and that I didn't need to be part of their life anymore. I understand that their life was better without me, but I just don't know, I feel so blindsided by what happened then. I was told a couple weeks later that a friendship may be a possibility in the future but that was before I got blocked on social media, so I'm pretty sure even that's out of the picture. I don't know if the way I feel about it will remain, but if it does life ain't gonna be too good, if you feel me. I think it goes without saying that I'm not over this relationship, and that's ok. I still can't bring myself to delete the pictures or get rid of the love/infatuation letters or any of the tickets of things we went to. This was someone who I thought would be in my life for a while, but I guess I shouldn't have assumed as much. Anyways, there were a lot of good memories made and a lot of fun times had. Most importantly, I can see where I went wrong in this relationship and where I can make any future possible relationship better. Who knows, maybe one day I'll be able to at least have a friendship with this person in the future, and maybe the feelings will return a long ways down the road, but I just wish I could have it now. Patience is a virtue I don't have very much of (heck, I barely make it on 865 whenever I come home because I can't stand to run 5 miles per hour under the speed limit for 30 seconds), and I guess for my own good I need to increase that.
Anyways, I'm hopping on a plane at 5am and heading down to St. Pete to watch my beloved IndyCar Series run its first race of the year. Maybe I'll just marry one of those cars instead. Or better yet race one. Oh if I had a couple million bucks.
Friday, March 9, 2018
Friday, December 15, 2017
College First Semester: I Don't Regret Any Nap I Took
Why am I writing this at 11:15 at night when I have to be up at 6am tomorrow for a couple flights before I head home for winter break? Well, I've pretty much been pushed over my breaking point, and I need some way to vent the frustrations and pain of my first semester at college (which, to be clear, was nothing more than living hell).
It all starts with BGR. That week was fun as hell, and it was pretty tragic when the friends I made pretty much vanished after that week, cause they were all good people. But that week wasn't all fun and games. I came into college in a relationship (I know, shocking, generally considering my general attitude towards people that comes off somewhere between Scrooge and the Grinch most of the time), and at that time we were committed to push through the challenges of not seeing each other too much anymore. It wasn't too much longer than eight hours or so in before the realities set in, and crap got tough, both on my end and her end. We listened to the Love Doctor that night, and he proudly proclaimed that 99% of long distance relationships don't last, and that we should end our situations now. I promptly told him he was number one with both of my hands (because you can do that in college) and vowed to prove him wrong. That week went by and the pain of being apart began to eat away, and it almost ended by the end of the week, but it didn't, and it was really because of my BGR group that had my back when I had no hope at the end of that week. If you guys are reading this, know that I will forever appreciate that.
Unlike most people, I never had a set friend group at Purdue. Sure, my floor was all pilots, but they all banded up together and went out partying the first few weeks like many kids do in college, and I, not wanting to worry my lady back home with the situations I could've been in, stayed home and entertained myself with college football and old IndyCar races (that part will never change). So I ended up missing out on becoming part of that core group, including the ever important group chats that basically start 99% of social events in college. That part wasn't new to me at least, as I was held out of my HS XC group chat as long as they possibly could. However, there just was no joy in my life anymore unless my girl visited me, which was not often enough.
Classes were at least good, however. Except for the straight from hell Tech 120 class, I enjoyed it all (until Octoberish) and had great profs/instructors. My English instructor will forever have my gratitude from all the times I fell asleep during discussions and not hating me for it. It turned out to be one of my most successful semesters yet, as I finished with nothing but As.
Except for one thing: Flight. I did not expect the things to happen that did happen during flight, and it sucked. Once mid-October hit, all hell broke loose with the weather and I fell from way ahead to way behind. And with that nosedive came my depression. There were days where I just wanted to quit, to be done with all the mental stress that was on me with the flight course, the relationship, and my lack of social life. There is a lot to be said when my best times were when I was at work, because I could converse with funny as heck old guys and some funny as heck guys a few years older than me because they understood what I was feeling, they had worked with people in the same situations as me. But, with all that stress, something had to give, and if you know me it was damn well not going to be myself or my grades. So it ended up being the relationship. Somewhere along the line, I became incapable of doing all the things I said I would do to keep my relationship strong. And it broke.
I was asleep when I got that damn phone call. Five minutes later, and I had lost the most important person to me, and I didn't even really know why. That post-sleep grog made things blurry, and I can't honestly tell you what was said in that conversation because of it. All I remember was just the numbness. It was that way for weeks. That week had sucked. I had to deny my opportunity to become a Young Life leader because I didn't have the time to give to kids to have an effective ministry. And then the breakup. I didn't know how things would go after that, but I just told myself I had to push on because nothing breaks Eric Steinmetz, and nothing ever will. I really think that pure determination was the only thing that got me through that next 10 days or so. I went from sending a couple thousand texts a month to send just 241 during November. Life was just bland, and it sucked. It really did.
Another thing the Love Doctor said was that it takes approximately two weeks per month of dating to get over a breakup. Add another two for each half year. With that, it comes out to 16 weeks (4 months) of time for me to get over it. And I'll be quite honest, I'm not yet and not sure I ever will. The girl doesn't know it unless if she reads this, which she very well might, but I still love her to death and always will because she made a big difference in my life and I won't ever forget that. But my mind just won't stop looking for an answer to why it happened, and, even worse, what it means for my future. I'm going into a profession where I won't be home a lot, and one where the stereotype is "pilots don't stay faithful, they're always at hotels with those flight attendants." My mind has been messing with me about that, and its scary to think of going through life without a person because now that I've had one, it sucks completely without one. One day I hope those games all stop in my head, and that I can overcome this, but, until then, it takes up too much of my mental capacity each day.
Congrats, you've made it to the end of my semester. It was hell. I hated it. I'm not at all excited for the next seven. But, I've got the confidence that it can and will get better from here. If you read all of that crap I just spilled onto my computer screen just now, you are a true friend, and I really do appreciate you. Folks like the Samone Club (especially Ben), my parents, Alex Pegram, and a few others really did help me get through a lot of stuff this semester, and you guys especially rock. If you've not been to college yet, don't be scared by this. Everyone's experience is different, and mine just turned out to be really, really sucky. But you can learn from what I've experienced, and make yours better. This is just a chapter in my book, and you better be damn sure that it isn't the end of it.
It all starts with BGR. That week was fun as hell, and it was pretty tragic when the friends I made pretty much vanished after that week, cause they were all good people. But that week wasn't all fun and games. I came into college in a relationship (I know, shocking, generally considering my general attitude towards people that comes off somewhere between Scrooge and the Grinch most of the time), and at that time we were committed to push through the challenges of not seeing each other too much anymore. It wasn't too much longer than eight hours or so in before the realities set in, and crap got tough, both on my end and her end. We listened to the Love Doctor that night, and he proudly proclaimed that 99% of long distance relationships don't last, and that we should end our situations now. I promptly told him he was number one with both of my hands (because you can do that in college) and vowed to prove him wrong. That week went by and the pain of being apart began to eat away, and it almost ended by the end of the week, but it didn't, and it was really because of my BGR group that had my back when I had no hope at the end of that week. If you guys are reading this, know that I will forever appreciate that.
Unlike most people, I never had a set friend group at Purdue. Sure, my floor was all pilots, but they all banded up together and went out partying the first few weeks like many kids do in college, and I, not wanting to worry my lady back home with the situations I could've been in, stayed home and entertained myself with college football and old IndyCar races (that part will never change). So I ended up missing out on becoming part of that core group, including the ever important group chats that basically start 99% of social events in college. That part wasn't new to me at least, as I was held out of my HS XC group chat as long as they possibly could. However, there just was no joy in my life anymore unless my girl visited me, which was not often enough.
Classes were at least good, however. Except for the straight from hell Tech 120 class, I enjoyed it all (until Octoberish) and had great profs/instructors. My English instructor will forever have my gratitude from all the times I fell asleep during discussions and not hating me for it. It turned out to be one of my most successful semesters yet, as I finished with nothing but As.
Except for one thing: Flight. I did not expect the things to happen that did happen during flight, and it sucked. Once mid-October hit, all hell broke loose with the weather and I fell from way ahead to way behind. And with that nosedive came my depression. There were days where I just wanted to quit, to be done with all the mental stress that was on me with the flight course, the relationship, and my lack of social life. There is a lot to be said when my best times were when I was at work, because I could converse with funny as heck old guys and some funny as heck guys a few years older than me because they understood what I was feeling, they had worked with people in the same situations as me. But, with all that stress, something had to give, and if you know me it was damn well not going to be myself or my grades. So it ended up being the relationship. Somewhere along the line, I became incapable of doing all the things I said I would do to keep my relationship strong. And it broke.
I was asleep when I got that damn phone call. Five minutes later, and I had lost the most important person to me, and I didn't even really know why. That post-sleep grog made things blurry, and I can't honestly tell you what was said in that conversation because of it. All I remember was just the numbness. It was that way for weeks. That week had sucked. I had to deny my opportunity to become a Young Life leader because I didn't have the time to give to kids to have an effective ministry. And then the breakup. I didn't know how things would go after that, but I just told myself I had to push on because nothing breaks Eric Steinmetz, and nothing ever will. I really think that pure determination was the only thing that got me through that next 10 days or so. I went from sending a couple thousand texts a month to send just 241 during November. Life was just bland, and it sucked. It really did.
Another thing the Love Doctor said was that it takes approximately two weeks per month of dating to get over a breakup. Add another two for each half year. With that, it comes out to 16 weeks (4 months) of time for me to get over it. And I'll be quite honest, I'm not yet and not sure I ever will. The girl doesn't know it unless if she reads this, which she very well might, but I still love her to death and always will because she made a big difference in my life and I won't ever forget that. But my mind just won't stop looking for an answer to why it happened, and, even worse, what it means for my future. I'm going into a profession where I won't be home a lot, and one where the stereotype is "pilots don't stay faithful, they're always at hotels with those flight attendants." My mind has been messing with me about that, and its scary to think of going through life without a person because now that I've had one, it sucks completely without one. One day I hope those games all stop in my head, and that I can overcome this, but, until then, it takes up too much of my mental capacity each day.
Congrats, you've made it to the end of my semester. It was hell. I hated it. I'm not at all excited for the next seven. But, I've got the confidence that it can and will get better from here. If you read all of that crap I just spilled onto my computer screen just now, you are a true friend, and I really do appreciate you. Folks like the Samone Club (especially Ben), my parents, Alex Pegram, and a few others really did help me get through a lot of stuff this semester, and you guys especially rock. If you've not been to college yet, don't be scared by this. Everyone's experience is different, and mine just turned out to be really, really sucky. But you can learn from what I've experienced, and make yours better. This is just a chapter in my book, and you better be damn sure that it isn't the end of it.
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